So You Wanna Travel - But Why?

 my first why is: why not?

but since so many people in my life keep asking why, i'll try to elaborate. it is hard though, because all i know is that my heart wants to run. i know that the world, this planet is marvelous and i know that if i dedicate my life to it, i will still not have seen more than one country. i know i will not experience everything - and as of yet, i'm kind of picky, i don't even want to.

i crave seeing new things. i want to feel the heat of the sun on my skin, i want to get lost among people, be that the locals or a group of tourists. i want to see miracles.

it is the first time since... too long, that i am craving life. i want to be in the middle of it all, as i have said. but why do i want this? why is the fireplace of the family home not good for me? why not settle to knit socks? why on earth would a young lady such as myself, not look to marriage but to danger?

i guess, the american way of answering that would be "danger is my middle name". but, sheltered as i might be, the unknown is not danger to me. it is beauty, an invitation, a challenge. and after the hellbyear that 2020 was, i am more than ready to start seeking beauty again. 

about six years ago, i was on a trip in istanbul (excuse me if i ever write it with an M, i'm used to it), just after my twelve years of school was up. i was going to university - i was completely done with what i had known up until that point, and i had no real clue what would be next. then, at the end of our first day there, my now ex told me that she had cheated on me. my world was crumbling. so i gave in to all non-dangerous impulses, i did silly things, i looked at everything as if i was seeing it for the last time - since i actually was. it was beautiful. the blisters, the sweat, lagging behind the group to wonder, it was all worth it.

on the other hand, i was raised with folktales. most of them tell the story of a young man who, when he came of age, left home and found a wife. only one story was about daughters leaving the family home, and they went away to be servants, then came back home - i don't quite like that for myself. i don't want to sit on a shelf and be a wife of someone, i want to make my own destiny, my own life, with all its beauty and screw-ups. and on the other other hand, all the media i consume is about travel. travel when you're coming of age, travel, when you're broken, lost, when you're rich, whenever you can.

and i am not rich, i am not a travel writer for whichever prestigious magazine could send me and my non-existent husband to Aruba for a couple of days to get a steamy article out of it. i am a college dropout, a woman too interested in martial arts and body to work on a long dissertation, to retake courses that are messing with my mind. make no mistake, i love learning, writing, finding new stuff - but the university i attended wasn't for me.

and if i told all of you the things i lost in 2020, we'd be here far longer than necessary. perhaps we'd start a misery olympics, all of us describing our own struggles and whatnot, convinced that we've suffered the most. in whichever way we want to measure, you may have lost more than me. but i lost almost all that i had gained by myself. in short, in 2020 i've lost everything but weight.

and i am completely fed up with that. i need a new life, a new me, i need something to look forward to again. and a job with a relocation package might just be it.