and everyone is talking about this stock thing they are doing, good for them; and someone says "the scariest thing in the world are people with nothing left to lose. especially when you realize you have EVERYTHING to lose" and oh damn!, that is exactly my issue. i was in therapy yesterday, and i've been very slowly realizing that i am so deeply afraid of failure, of rejection, of having anything to lose and then losing it - that i don't even want to start. and i was told this is childish, and sure, whatever, it is. but this is where i'm at right now and i donxt know how i'd get out of it. i literally only have about 2000 dollars to my name, and i have given a loan of about 300, and that is all i have, all i am working with, and i'm scared to have more because then i stand the chance of losing it. and failing from the start diesn't scare me nearly as much as failing from some higher avhievement. of course there's the saying that failure is a bruise,...
part one: my personal history with exercise Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands. They just don't. yes, this is the first thing that came to my mind right after the title. i remember seeing this quote as a gifset on a fitblr in circa 2013. and i will be perfectly honest, firblrs motivated me to start running, even though i hated it. i was 14 when i first signed up for an orienteering race - but let's not get too carried away. i wanted to write everything here, but it got long, so this is gonna be a series. we know how kids move a lot. i did, too. i think it stopped once i went into 5th grade, and we got a specialised gym teacher. he was very oldschool, always wore a tracksuit, and had the weirdest rules ever. we needed to change for this class. i'd never been required to change clothes in school. sometimes i'd forget. we would leave the shoes in our classroom, so there was less to carry. i distinctly rememb...
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