Eyeing the world

 I've got to say, it really sucks how exercise and a routine and eating well can help so much with mental health - why, you might ask. It does sound counterintuitive. After all, wouldn't a mentally ill person do anything they can to get better? Well, yes - but when I personally am feeling down, I have no will to do what I need to. With the utmost honesty, I think it was the solstice that helped me get back into some acceptable stuff. So, we're here to talk about overeating, right? Well, since I was small, I used to eat all that was given to me, then seconds, and then the dessert. I don't actually recall this conversation, but my mother does: when I was really young, my grandparents would tell me how good a kid my cousin was, because she would eat a lot, and she was such a puffy child and so on. Well, one day, the story says, I ate eight wiener sausages. Eight. Not even as an adult would I eat that many. But ever since I can remember, it had been like that. When someone ...

 (content warning: negative body talk examples) So, I just posted a before and after pic on my insta. Well, technically, it is a before and during photo, because I'm like 30 something days into this 60 day project. The point is, I'm showing off all the centimeters I've lost in these past days, that I'm celebrating that my body is smaller, that I'm 5 or 6 kilograms closer to being conventionally attractive. And I'm also not posting myself from all angles, because I cannot stand how I look from the back. I don't even have a shape! I do want to defend my use of the picture, but why do I feel like I have to defend it? Well, I have to defend it from my own self, because she can, sometimes, get bad feelings when hearing about weight loss, or about such transformations. And I could say a lot of things that would go like "health at every size, but that size was not healthy for me", and it would feel like conventional babble, like simple filler. And I did w...

part one: my personal history with exercise Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands. They just don't. yes, this is the first thing that came to my mind right after the title. i remember seeing this quote as a gifset on a fitblr in circa 2013. and i will be perfectly honest, firblrs motivated me to start running, even though i hated it. i was 14 when i first signed up for an orienteering race - but let's not get too carried away. i wanted to write everything here, but it got long, so this is gonna be a series. we know how kids move a lot. i did, too. i think it stopped once i went into 5th grade, and we got a specialised gym teacher. he was very oldschool, always wore a tracksuit, and had the weirdest rules ever. we needed to change for this class. i'd never been required to change clothes in school. sometimes i'd forget. we would leave the shoes in our classroom, so there was less to carry. i distinctly rememb...

 yeah i'm not gonna say its name because it might be ableist and i'd rather err om this side. the HIIT cardio workouts by Shaun T. i've been doing the program for 3 weeks and intend to do the 60 days twice, almost back to back. yes i want to lose weight. and it isn't my only motivator, i also want to get my mental health into shape again (well, void is not a shape, right?). oh, how difficult it is to be fat nowadays! i feel like i'm betraying the fat acceptance movement by this, and i still think it's the best choice for me. why do i think that after having tried and failed so many times, like so many people? because i've had horrible back pains, because i can't enjoy the things i love, and because the way i was eating in the past year is definitely detrimental to anyone. i'm so glad i felt the need to put that disclaimer. either way, let's get to the workouts. unsurprisingly, the Fit Test, the very first you'll do is also the easiest of them...