HIIT cardio program

 yeah i'm not gonna say its name because it might be ableist and i'd rather err om this side. the HIIT cardio workouts by Shaun T. i've been doing the program for 3 weeks and intend to do the 60 days twice, almost back to back.

yes i want to lose weight. and it isn't my only motivator, i also want to get my mental health into shape again (well, void is not a shape, right?). oh, how difficult it is to be fat nowadays! i feel like i'm betraying the fat acceptance movement by this, and i still think it's the best choice for me. why do i think that after having tried and failed so many times, like so many people? because i've had horrible back pains, because i can't enjoy the things i love, and because the way i was eating in the past year is definitely detrimental to anyone.

i'm so glad i felt the need to put that disclaimer.

either way, let's get to the workouts.

unsurprisingly, the Fit Test, the very first you'll do is also the easiest of them all. it's the only one where the warmup is just one cycle and where you get breaks after each exercise. that being said, it will thoroughly kill you, and then you won't get a rest day until sunday. that is, if you're such a masochist (or a very disciplined, perhaps lucky person) that you actually start on a monday. i started on a saturday, so fridays are my rest days, and i love them. then, the workout i hate the most is the Recovery. i'd burn the cd's if i had paid for them, just because this exists on them. and next week, i'll be thrown into an entire week of JUST RECOVERY. it burns. it drains me faster than jumping around.

now, because i have neighbors and also am quite a beginner, i try to modify the workouts sometimes, so they're lower impact. Shaun T of course will tell you at least once in any workout that if your form is compromised, you should take a break, but modifying is way more motivating, than 2 reps and struggle.

another thing that i've found frustrating in my first week was not knowing what was gonna happen next. i had to look up articles reviewing the workout cds, where i would read what i was going to do. one might argue this affected my pacing, but my main motive for it was the very simple fact that i was doing the workouts off my phone and had no way of seeing what was happening, so i had to know the exercise beforehand, to be able to get into it as soon as i am told to do it.

i don't know which workout it was that i noticed him yelling out a lot of names of the cast members doing the workout with the customer...such stereotypical names as Chris or Rachel, and then i started laughing. see, i think the point is that these are really common names with white americans, and so it's likely the customer's name will be among them, so it feels more personal. well, my name doesn't appear. and yes i'm aware of Shaniqua, if i recall correctly, she's the only Black woman in the cast.

i found it really annoying, that all of these exercises have custom names. for example, your simple burpee (well, you might call it a modified burpee, since it came without a pushup) was named a sui jump. there's another exercise named after this! i don't know whose bright idea it was, i find it disturbing. however my greater issue is with the exercise named mountain climbers. one would assume this is easy, we all know it. mountain climbers are known as the exercise where, in a plank position, we pull our knees to our chest. well, that exercise is now a floor sprint. the exercise that we are gonna call mountain climbers here is just high knees (running in place and lifting our knees really high) with some arm movements, where we grab at the air. now this name thing didn't raise my heart rate - it raised my blood pressure.

so, as i'd said, the first week i was SORE. i did the fit test, gave it my all, and then the next day woke up with my legs on fire. which sucks, because the program loves giving you leg exercises. there's so many types of jumps and squats, sprints and lunges that my first week was hell. that being said, at the end of each workout, i find myself laying on the floor, gasping for breath and covered in sweat, and it's the happiest moment of that day.

and when i get out of my postworkout shower, i am so flooded with all the endorphins (i suppose that's what they are?) that i need to cry. it's the same as with my menstrual cup story, really. i just collapse with emotion and breathe heavily and there are no tears but it feels exactly like crying. it still feels like my body is having an adverse reaction to happiness.

but now we have an issue. for the past two weeks, i'd been at my father's house, and today i returned to my own. which, apparently, i shouldn't call my own, because my landlady has been all throughout the house, washing and organising stuff. she even went in and moved stuff around in the room i am using and she said it's the only part of the house i'm paying for. so this throws me right back to stress eating. and now i am entirely swept away by how my eating habits have changed. all the junk i've eaten would not have caused me to blink, just two months ago. but i worked really hard on my eating, on listening to my cues, on disregarding any other input, just my own body's feelings. and it has worked so well. but now, when i threw myself into junk food, i overeat so much i can barely move. and it also has me feeling like crap.

so i wasn't in the headspace to do my workout for today. so far, i've skipped 2 days.

it doesn't really seem to affect my weight loss though. i have lost 2 kilograms on both completed weeks, so 4 in total. and yes it seems like a lot. i was a bit very worried whether i should do something to slow it, since 1kg a week is the suggested maximum, but to be honest, with the way i eat and move, i've never felt better. though i am aware it will slow as i lose more, and i'm getting kinda attached to seeing the numbers go lower and lower, so i don't really know how i'll deal with it.

edit: fuck me, i've lost 2,5 cm off my waist in these first weeks! and like 4 off my boobs, but i'm not sure how i feel about that.