Drama 2

 I did get a new job! Finally. And, of course, they require us to get a medical checkup before starting to work, so I did just that. The last one of these I'd done when applying to work at Amazon - I was also about 12 kilograms lighter.

I had my appointment for 19, and was there by 18:45. The doctor called me in at 19:15, or maybe .20, and I sat down, we talked. Normal stuff. Now, since it's called drama, and with that introduction, we should know what's coming. Among all the questions, she asked me about my height and weight, which I told her.

She asked me if I gained weight in the past year, and how much it was. I sort of chuckled to myself, out of the nervousness, because I could not calculate - or my brain just didn't want to admit to circa 25 kilos gained in the pandemic? Before I could actually recall, what my weight was before lockdown happened, and then calculate the 25 that even now seems unrealistic (after all, I was trying to lose 30! and had lost 5, before gaining all this), she started into the spiel of me needing to lose weight - unsurprising for fat people, really. I heard so many stories of (mainly American, I believe) fat people going to the doctor, and getting told to lose weight. It had never happened to me. Well, there's a first time for everything! I almost had to laugh. Now i was fat enough to get this speech, huh? Ironically, I was getting it when I absolutely didn't need it, I am already on a weightloss journey, I'm motivated, it is going well.

Even more ironically - to her, we know already - it did not achieve to ignite motivation in me. I swear, I should get some degree in psychology and nutrition, and then hold conferences for medical personnel on this! Because she should know, and all doctors should know, not only did she not ignite some infinite motivation in me, she was frustrating me, she was talking down to me, she was making me angry. Which we don't want to happen, because I still (want to) regulate emotions through eating. So, through her wanting me to lose weight, she made me angry, which made me want to eat, which was directly counterproductive to what she (and, frankly, I) wanted.

So I asked her if my weight was going to influence my performance at work. I maybe shouldn't have asked that, she looked up at me and said, "no, but it'd be healthy". She has no way of knowing how I'd lose that weight! Who guarantees it'll be healthy?

AND THEN she has the gall to measure my blood pressure and tell me that 70/140 is on the high end of the normal range and I should watch my caffeine intake. Gee, doctor, I wonder, was anything potentially raising my blood pressure in that moment? Might there have been something stressing me out? We'll never know!

God, I'll have to do some fucking research and write a book on it (hopefully I'll get my father to co-write, he's a doctor too, and then it'd have more credit).