Eyeing the world

 (content warning: negative body talk examples) So, I just posted a before and after pic on my insta. Well, technically, it is a before and during photo, because I'm like 30 something days into this 60 day project. The point is, I'm showing off all the centimeters I've lost in these past days, that I'm celebrating that my body is smaller, that I'm 5 or 6 kilograms closer to being conventionally attractive. And I'm also not posting myself from all angles, because I cannot stand how I look from the back. I don't even have a shape! I do want to defend my use of the picture, but why do I feel like I have to defend it? Well, I have to defend it from my own self, because she can, sometimes, get bad feelings when hearing about weight loss, or about such transformations. And I could say a lot of things that would go like "health at every size, but that size was not healthy for me", and it would feel like conventional babble, like simple filler. And I did w...

 part two: a book review (content warning: dark. depression, potential sui ideation) This part is not really a review, more like a recommendation, relating my personal experience to what I read. Well, it did start out with Krav Maga. The more I went and trained, the more I would hear about bettering our coordination, and through that, our self-confidence, and isn't that what we all want? I did get a bit interested in biomechanics, the effects of exercise on our nervous system, and, of course, bettering myself. And because I also got an instructor diploma in early 2018, I feel it's my duty to learn more and more about anything that might be related to my field - especially since I want to teach one day. I did get the opportunity to teach, in the fall of 2019, a mother contacted me and asked me to teach her kid, privately, so of course, I threw myself into the thing. Coincidentally, I also had a friend visiting Budapest at that time, and she asked me what souvenir to bring. That...