short update

 I had my interview today. Despite all my fears, it seems i wasn't "punished" for that mistake with my phone numbers.

the guy that did the interview with me seemed so friendly. i honestly think it went well - he told me that they want to do a language test with a native german speaker - it would be about 15 minutes. it is tomorrow. i am so excited!

today i went out to the panoramic viewpoint and i am sort of slowly saying goodbye to my city already. i will miss it so much, and i am especially sad because i cannot do this with my friends. in a normal year, we'd go out for a drink to celebrate all this. perhaps i could convince some of them to come with me for a long long walk, all over the city, to take silly photos and act like tourists. it wiuld be a nice memory to have, and yet this year denies it all to me.

i want to have one last coffee from the coffee machine and eat nothing else all day, to jump around the place like a little kid. i want to eat some scary-looking food in the dorm cafeteria and then sit there after for an hour, joking with friends and their boyfriend(s). perhaps i might want to go to church with some of them. this might be ending, and i want it to be memorable. to fall on my face when skating, and them to film it. to have mulled wine. and oh how i want to sit outside the dorm building, at 2 a.m, talking about whatever - the apocalypse, perhaps. i'm gonna miss all of this. as my trip to istanbul was the end of my schoolyears, this is sort of the end of my university life. 

do i really need something big and extravagant to end an era? after all, one doesn't really know how long the era lasts, except a few years after it has already ended. or am i compensating for not investing in fancy birthdays? in lavish graduation ceremonies? but they have always felt so foreign, they were a spectacle for my family - and i crave my own carnival of sorts.

we will see what can be done.