Am I back or am I lost?

 I went through Insanity twice. It's almost undescribable, and yet, somehow trivial after all this time. The way it impacted my mental health should never be overlooked - working out daily pulled me out of a very awful depression, and I only see how deep I was after being out of it for a while.

To be honest, it's been hard to navigate my mental states even during those two cycles - I was happy and content, but only barely, and I had to pause for a while to allow my joints some recovery. By the end of my second cycle, I'd had problems with my knee and pain in my hips, which was overall very concerning.

After a month of pause, I feel lost, bored and too demotivated to do it a third time. I could do another program - in fact, I have acquired the P90X3, and I'd love to try it out - but also, for some reason, I can't. I'm not sure where I'm lost. Is it my depression, family, stereotypes...? Do I just not have a strong enough why, as they call it?

And I know that no matter how many times or how badly I fall, I'll always get back up, but also, I'm just so tired at this point in time. It's really vicious: when I'm tired, I pay less attention to the way I eat and have less energy to work out, and when I don't work out, I'll feel even more tired. Now I know exactly what it takes and how it feels to complete this kind of challenge - so why am I stuck again?

Anyway, I made a page where y'all can donate if you like.

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