Eyeing the world

 im not sure if this is a circle of suffering, or a domino effect - in fact im not even sure these are separate things. today i went to a new psychologist and to be entirely fair, it helped me a lot. it was also long overdue. i finally could talk about my problems - and what im thinking now, although this igh be pathologizing something not entirely pthological, is that i kind of have an eating disorder. see, at the end of our session, she drew this circle and said i should draw in what is relevant to me and in what measure. then she portioned out at least 70% ofthe circle and said it was her impression that that was filled by my prepccupation with body weight. with my weight and my shape. and i really didnt want to admit this to myself. i did not want to think about how this is what i mostly think about. and on the one hand, if i lose weight, i'll have the chance to be less preoccupied - to not worry if i fit in a chair or a tight pass, if i have clothes in a size that will fit ove...

it's been 2 and a half years. My worst fears have come true. And I'm kind of starting out again. i have come back to this blog kind of to motivate myself; kind of to continue whatever this story is. I did want to make a yt series on weight loss, and I have a lot to process. let's then quick recap all that happened after my last post so far (since November of 2021). Freshly after a situationship, I threw myself into exercise. I taught myself how to headstand and I was really proud of my progress with it. I was starting to train for pull-ups and jump rope. It was, in some ways, fun. I also gave up on measuring my scale weight. I loved my body basically as it was; I wanted to expand my limits and focus less on weight. However I was unhappy in another way - after that situationship. I was invested. I kind of feel some progress of my personality has declined since, and have recently started working on "fixing" that. Let's not skip that far forward, yet. I was also ...